Erm's I.T. Girl – Zelna Ellis

Don't fear when Zel is near…

Akkurate weervoorspelling

Dit is April en die Boesmans in ’n afgeleë deel van die Kalahari vra hulle nuwe stamhoof of dit hierdie winter matig of koud gaan wees. Omdat hy stamhoof is in meer moderne tye, het hy nooit die ou geheime geleer nie. Wanneer hy die lug bestudeer, kon hy nie sê hoe die winter gaan wees nie.Nieteenstaande het hy besluit om dit veilig te speel en hy sê toe dat dit n koue winter gaan wees en hulle moet begin brandhout bymekaar maak ter voorbereiding. Hy is egter n praktiese man en na ’n paar dae kry hy ’n plan. Hy stap na n publieke telefoonhokkie by die nasionale pad, skakel die weerburo en vra: “Gaan die komende winter koud wees in die Kalahari?””Ja dit lyk so” sê die een wat geantwoord het.Hy gaan terug na die stam en sê hulle moet nog meer hout bymekaar maak.’n Week later skakel hy weer die weerburo.”Lyk dit nog steeds na n baie koue winter?””Ja, dit gaan baie koud wees.”Hy gaan terug en beveel hulle om elke stukkie hout wat hulle vind, op te tel.Na twee weke skakel hy weer.”Is julle heeltemal seker dat dit baie koud gaan wees?””Absoluut”, kom die antwoord, “dit lyk al hoe meer na een van die koudste winters ooit.””Wat maak julle so seker?””Ons satelliet fotos wys die Boesmans maak verwoed hout bymekaar, en dis altyd n sekere teken.”

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4 November 2010 Posted by | Jokes | , , | Leave a comment

Computer Industry vs Vehicle Auto Industry

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

‘If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.’

GM’s Response:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash……..
Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation’ warning light.
I love the next one!!!

7. The airbag system would ask ‘Are you sure?’ before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the ‘Start’ button to turn the engine off.

Source unknown

15 April 2010 Posted by | Jokes | , , | Leave a comment

I want 2 live my next life backwards

U start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then u wake up in an old age home feeling better by the day.
Later u get kicked out 4 being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect pension.
U start work and get a gold watch on your 1st day.
U work 40 yrs till u’re too young 2 work.
Go 2 varsity, drink party and enjoy life.
Then u go 2 school, become a kid, play, have no responsibilities.
U become a baby and then u spend yous last nine months floating peacefully in luxury spa-like conditions – central heating, room service on tap and then… U finish off as a orgasm!

16 August 2009 Posted by | Jokes | , | 2 Comments

You should hire this guy

A young guy from Wisconsin moves Florida and goes to a big everything-under-one-roof department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, ‘Do you have any sales experience?’
The kid says ‘Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin .’

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.

‘You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.’

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

‘How many customers bought something from you today?’
The kid says, ‘One.’
The boss says, ‘Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day.
How much was the sale for?’
The kid says, ‘$101,237.65.!

The boss says, ‘$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?’

The kid says, ‘First, I sold him a small fish hook.
Then I sold him a medium fishhook.
Then I sold him a larger fishhook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.’

The boss said ‘A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?’

The kid said ‘No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said,
‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’

30 July 2009 Posted by | Jokes | , , | Leave a comment

10 Husbands

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin.

“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was … God, I miss him!”

“But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the husband, “but, why?” “Duh; you’re a LAWYER. This time I KNOW I’m gonna get screwed!”

26 March 2009 Posted by | Jokes | , , | Leave a comment